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How to Train your Human!

This is a very important but tiring task for any dog as the humans think they are in charge! They think it’s their job to train us dogs but they got it all wrong. Dogs are put on this earth to keep the humans in check and make sure we get things just the way we want it 🙂
I asked on twitter from my friends if they had any good advice and the top one was to learn to master “The Look” and you can get away with everything! I will show you a few different varieties of “The Look” below.
Looking really sad and you get away with any trouble!

Looking really sad and you get away with any trouble!

The begging stare - Daddy didn't give me any food! Honestly!

The begging stare – Daddy didn’t give me any food! Honestly!

Pretty please can I have that piece of food on your plate!

Pretty please can I have that piece of food on your plate!

My great friend Bertie (@MrBertster) sent me his top 10 of “How to Train your Human” and they are just perfect:

1.  Play the In / Out game every 5 minutes, dey worried dat you will ‘go’ in da house, so dey av to let you out.
2.  Give de eyes and wait patiently when dey eating; result = nomnoms.
3.  When dey approach da cupboard where ya lead is, get all giddy and tail wag, dey won’t resist to take you out der and den.
4.  Keep dem fit, pinch der socks and make dem chase after you.
5.  When dey going out, jump in ya bed and look all forlorn, dey be back quicker.
6.  When dey return home, take dem one of your toys, dey always fink dat is cute and will result in a tasty treat.
7.  When da hoomins aving a cuddle, reach up for you to av a ‘cuddle sandwich’ and you can reward dem wiv kisses.
8.  Go bounding over to meet and greet other doggie pals when out, anofur way to keep dem fit.
9.  When getting up in da morning, do a howl when furst stretching / yawning, dey fink it’s cute and you get extra snuggles and cuddles in da big bed.

10.  Finally, always run up stairs at bedtime, da big bed is yours too……start as you mean to go on. Bahahahaha

There’s a few that I will be starting practising from now including the sock game! Sounds like fun!

Our great zombiesquad leader Winston (@BraveWinston) told us to let our human think that we are totally dependent on them but in reality it’s the other way around!

My buddy Dexter (@Dexthedach) advised to always respond when there’s food involved. Also when they call you, just ignore them and look the other way. When your human eats or about to leave, look really sad and make them feel guilty. Plus keep whining until you get exactly what you want!

On the big bed, curl up nicely and make yourself comfortable. When they come to bed, look all cute and they won’t move you!

Bonnie (@TheBonziBomber) came with 3, no actually 4, great advice too.
  1. When you pee on the rug, pretend it didn’t happen.
  2. Use the big sad eyes as often as possible
  3. Whimper
  4. Help human rip the carpet out so they can get new hardwood floors!
Bonnie helping rip out human's carpet!

Bonnie helping rip out human’s carpet!

One of my favourites came from Bobby (@deblego1) who said just to blame it on your daddy as he doesn’t have big cute eyes 😀

So get practising on “The Look” and you soon will have it your way in your household! If all else fails, just blame daddy!

You can follow all my pals on twitter if you want to follow their adventures too. Remember Lily and I are on twitter too and can be found under @Felix_and_Lily

That’s how the doggy biscuit crumbles!


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